Chapter Two from

Are You Mad At Me, God?

Deserve It or Not?

If I had a daisy, I'd tear the petals off one by one: "Deserve it . . . deserve it not . . . deserve it . . . deserve it not. . . ." Deserve what? This catastrophe (as I look at it).

Is my physical trauma a punishment? If I abused my body by taking in improper substances or treated it carelessly, it might be a consequence of such abuse. Or it might be the result of something I did or failed to do, or which was done to me. In such cases, if I am God's child, it would still not be a punishment. I would simply have brought it on myself, and therefore I deserve it.

If I brought on my illness by my own actions, I don't want to ask for God's justice. I would get what I deserve. I want to ask for God's mercy. Spiritually, I already received God's mercy and forgiveness for my sins through trusting Christ. God's justice would have brought me His judgment and punishment, which I deserve.

But whether or not I receive God's mercy when my illness is the consequence of my wrongdoing or indulgences is up to His perfect will and plan. "I may get it . . . I may not . . . I may get it . . . I may not. . . ."

On the other hand, what if my illness is the result of accident, natural disaster, contagious disease, heredity or an environmental cause? All of us, Christians and unbelievers, are subject to nature's forces and human frailty. We must expect, accept and live through such things--or live with them, endure them, triumph over them and live in Christ's victory.

If none of these seem to be contributing factors to my illness, then what? I may question, What did I do to deserve this? Do I infer that I'm too good, too righteous, too obedient to the Lord to have anything "bad" happen to me?

My friends or family, perhaps not realizing that they reinforce my self-righteousness, rush in with "You're such a good person! Why should you have to suffer?" That doesn't foster a healthy attitude in me or a Christian one. I don't reflect the humility of a created one before my Creator.

Humility in the sense of modest submissiveness, gentle, patient yieldedness to God's dealings is more appropriate for me as His trusting child. This is not spineless submission, but confident belief in my sovereign God and a commitment to conform to His blueprint for my life.

Life is seldom fair. In fact, to use a crude term, sometimes life stinks!

I have a lot to think through and work out:

Is God really in charge? If He is, why does He seem so inconsistent when He allows one person to suffer and not another, heals this one and not that one? Why does He allow natural disasters to affect some and not others?

I believe the Bible teaches that Satan has power, though limited, to mess up God's perfect order at this stage of history. Satan tries to thwart God's plans, but God is in ultimate control even over Satan's continual infernal attempts at disorder.

I believe that God generously gave mankind freedom of choice. We can choose God's way or reject it to follow our own. Nevertheless, God knows what will happen. Sometimes He supernaturally intervenes on behalf of His people. Sometimes He doesn't.

Sometimes He allows us to be targets of evil people, bad genes, dangerous viruses or natural disasters without intervening. Hebrews chapter eleven lists some who escaped tragedies and experienced miracles. But a dreadful list follows of equally godly people who endured incredible sufferings. They were tortured, imprisoned, mocked, beaten, stoned, sawn in half, stabbed, ill-treated and stripped of everything for Jesus' sake. Such conditions continue across the world today.

God doesn't act on a whim or sometimes look the other way with indifference. He doesn't draw straws to see who should escape and who should suffer, who should get cancer at 45 and who should live a robust life to age 95.

Man's mistakes or deliberate acts of evil can affect other people and conditions on this planet, which in turn affect me. But of this I am sure--God is good. His dealings with me are for good and not evil. "'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope'" (Jeremiah 19:11). Whatever good or evil comes into the life of one committed to follow God, even as part of the human condition, is not accidental. I have finite understanding. If I never discover the reason for my illness, I'll understand it when I leave my house (my mortal body) and arrive in God's house.

I believe God is involved in the minutia of human activity, incredible as that seems. Jesus stated that the very hairs of our head are numbered and He even knows when a sparrow falls. Therefore, I believe that my present circumstances aren't random happenings. If I could understand perfectly, I would be God, and I'm not.

The whole scenario may seem inconsistent and out-of-control to my way of thinking, but it is perfectly consistent from God's infinite viewpoint. The point is not that God will be sovereign some day, meanwhile evil forces and human actions mess up His plans. Our God reigns now! (Psalm 93:1) Everywhere! Always! Since I've voluntarily given Him my life, He reigns and He is sovereign in my present trouble.

This mortal life is not all there is! If it were, I'd feel short-changed and cheated. Life is so brief. We barely get started and gain a little experience when the final bell rings. Nor is human history all there is. I should look at my miniature infirmity (although it seems enormous to me) against the backdrop of eternity. Not easy, but that's the only way I can gain proper perspective and find the stability I need to endure even the worst that life may inflict. Our God stands above all human history and is weaving it into a beautiful tapestry that will ultimately glorify Him.

I believe, Lord. Help my lingering unbelief and increase my faith. I don't get anywhere when I destroy daisy petals to find out whether I deserve my situation. It's enough to believe that You know, care and have plans for me.

But why me?

Illness, surgery, accident--I ask myself, and I may ask others, why me? Eventually I knock on God's door and whine why? Other people are sympathetic and may also express but why you? The questions are always there. Answers are illusive, but let's pursue them further. Why questions can strangle me and take over my life. They may destroy my emotional balance and impede my potential recovery.

Dr. James Dobson gave an illustration from nature. He had a sturdy, ancient oak tree in his yard. A threatening, tenacious vine crept along a fence nearby. Before long, the vine headed for his tree, crept up the trunk and silently attacked it. Tough, green tentacles gripped the thick oak and imbedded themselves like claws in a hostile takeover.

Dr. Dobson didn't want to forcibly tear the vine off the healthy tree because much of the bark would come with it and leave the tree exposed. Besides, the vine would only seize hold elsewhere, and the battle would continue to rage.

His only recourse was to take big nippers and sever the vine at the root. The first day he saw no change in the vine. Then the leaves began to wither and lose color. Soon they became brown and brittle, and the fuzzy fingers loosened their grip. Dr. Dobson took a rake and easily pulled down the whole dry, messy mass and freed the oak to continue its vigorous life. The vine didn't give up permanently because the root remained underground, but he dealt with new sprouts more easily as they appeared.

If I keep wrestling with why this is happening to me, and allow the doubting questions to multiply and take over my thinking and grip my emotions, the vine of distrust and doubt in the sovereign goodness of God will choke me. My attitude will block my understanding of the higher ways of God. After all, I only comprehend a fraction of my diminutive personal world because I am a limited mortal. There will always be things I won't understand about God's plan for my life. Unanswered questions may plague me until the day I see His face.

I must simply believe that God is in control, knows what He is doing and that this seeming negative event is somehow for my good and His glory. I must let God be God without sniveling to Him about things I can't understand.

I should take an axe to my root of doubt and chop off the whimpering whys before they strangle my trust in God. The whys will wither and dry on the vine and then I can pull them away from me. Each time a green sprout of doubt peeks its head through the grass I must nip it off before it grips my faith trunk.

The vine might even be poison ivy! If I allow it to grow on me, not only will I suffer, but its doubts will spread infectiously to others whom my miserable life touches.

Why not?

There's another approach to questions with which I grapple. I can turn the big question "Why me?" into "Who better for it to happen to?"

As a loving Father, God provides me with unlimited resources at His disposal. So, who is better equipped for a calamity than the child of God?

The person who doesn't have an authentic relationship with God (because of his own choice) is really without adequate resources to meet inevitable troubles, trials and catastrophes. Random things without divine purpose can happen to him for which his why cries truly have no answer. Romans 8:28 doesn't apply to him. The Bible doesn't guarantee that God is meshing gears for good in the life of the not-trusting-God person.

For me as God's child, through no merit of my own, only by faith in Jesus, the seal upon my life is: "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them" (Ephesians 2:10). God isn't going to shackle my feet through this so-called negative happening to hinder me from walking freely in His ways. My Lord is more likely to put liberating wings on my heels. Could the difficult experience I'm going through be a shiny new pair of heel wings releasing me to soar to heights I never experienced?

Why not me? If heel wings come with the package, I'll gladly accept it!

I already know there is a purpose in everything I go through. Nothing catches God by surprise. He brought the present illness into my life for His reasons, and they are always good. Always!

It's awesome to think of all the supplements God gives me over and above the medical facilities and physicians' skills available even to the patient who doesn't have a relationship with God.

• God gives me His presence, promises and provisions for my weakness. I have an "insider" person--the Person of the Holy Spirit--living in me as my Comforter, the One called alongside to help.
• God gives me His joy no matter how excruciating the circumstances.
• His peace, passing all human understanding, is mine to bring me through in triumph.
• I have an incredible support system in the fellowship of Christians called the church, the body of Christ, which will not let me down.
• I have hope in the wonderful eternity ahead of me whether by life or by death. Either way, I can't lose!

Whatever lies ahead of me, I don't need to get bent out of shape. In fact, God is working on my shape--He is conforming me to the image of Jesus Christ!

The ultimate "whatever"

Can God heal me? Can He deliver me? Does He want to? Will He? I need straight answers to those questions.

If I say He can't, He would not be God. He would be impotent and ineffective. He wouldn't be supernatural. Of course He can! He can do even what we consider impossible.

Does God want to heal me? Does He want to deliver me? I am sure from the promises of His Word that God wants only good for His children and not evil. He wants what is best for my welfare and His glory.

Will God heal me? Will God deliver me? That is what I don't know because I can't see the Big Plan of God. I don't know whether an immediate supernatural healing or a surgery or my death at this time will be in His best interests and mine for time and eternity.

I'll take the position of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego as recorded in Daniel chapter three. When faced with the prospect of being thrown into the furnace of blazing fire ending in sure death, they expressed their faith in God by declaring, "Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up" (vv. 17,18).

God can. But even if He doesn't, I'm going to trust Him. His deliverance may take a different direction.

Yes, I've asked God to intervene, to touch me, to heal me, to take away the abnormality I suffer. He is well able! I’m dealing with the Creator of the universe and the re-creator and restorer of anything. His ability is not in question.

To leave the outcome to Him means that whatever He decides I accept. He keeps the rest of the planet and universe in harmony, so He knows how my small event fits into it all. It's O.K. I won't stamp my feet to insist on a miraculous or instantaneous physical healing. For His best reasons God may have planned to lead me into the furnace and through the fire. If so, I'm sure He will appear there with me as He did with those courageous fellows in Babylon's oven.

The ultimate "whatever" is that I must leave the decision with Almighty God and declare obediently, "not my will be done but Thine." It wasn't easy for Jesus when He faced suffering. God didn't keep Him from it, although He could have. It’s not easy for me, but it’s a one-way street, and I can’t turn back.

Asking for magic?

There's nothing I'd like better than a disappearing act--either misdiagnosis or to have my illness suddenly vanish. That would be my kind of miracle! God's kind of miracle may be different.

If it is magic we beg God for, we will be disillusioned. If it is meaning, purpose, strength, character, love and greatness we expect from Him in the midst of our difficulty, then He won't disappoint us. God may actually rescue us from going any further toward a hospital adventure. If He does, we can be certain it was best, and we can praise Him for it. Nevertheless, to rescue us or not is God's call, not ours. Praise should be our response in either case.

O.K., so I'm not looking for magic, but I know God can heal me instantly. He can do a disappearing act on my illness like He has done many times for many people, including me. Why doesn't He stretch out His hand to touch me with His healing power as I stretch my hands and spirit up to Him? "Yesterday, today, and forever He is the same" (Hebrews 13:8).

He is the same miracle-working God He always was. So why does He seem to be sitting on His hands this time?

John the Baptist, cast into prison and facing death, was in a life-threatening situation. Jesus surely cared about him and could have delivered him from impending death instantly. But He didn't. He could have commanded John’s immediate release, but it would have been temporary, connected with time. Jesus had the eternal view. He knew the Big Plan of God. He was orchestrating the ultimate solution. He didn't rescue His beloved friend, relative and co-worker in His kingdom. People misunderstood and criticized Him because He seemed to be sitting on His hands. Neither did Jesus raise John from the dead, although He could have.

When Jesus heard of the life-threatening illness of His good friend Lazarus, He could have healed him even by long-distance as He did in another case. He didn't. Again Jesus was misunderstood and criticized because He seemed to be sitting on His hands. However, Jesus had the eternal perspective. He knew the Big Plan of God. He was orchestrating the eternal solution. His good friend died, but Jesus performed a greater act than healing. He raised Lazarus from the dead, illustrating and teaching a spectacular truth. It wasn't a permanent resurrection. Eventually, Lazarus died again.

Sometimes Jesus "healed all who came to Him." On other occasions He didn't. He could have delivered Himself from death on the cross, but He didn't. God didn't deliver Him either. It seemed as if God was sitting on His hands while His only begotten Son died. God had a Big Plan. He was orchestrating eternal salvation for sinful mankind.

If God heals me now, instantly, it would still be temporary. If God wills to take me through the surgical adventure and heal me in that way, it would also be temporary. My body is mortal and subject to eventual human death. The question is, what will bring glory to God in my present experience?

In the case of the man born blind, Jesus declared that God deliberately allowed his infirmity so that He could display the glory of God. I must leave the decision to God alone whether He will be glorified through my instant healing or surgery, followed by recovery or not . . . or no healing and my soon entrance into heaven. God has a Big Plan. He is working out the best possible solution.

I'm absolutely sure God is not sitting on His hands! On the contrary, He holds me in His hands!

My Personal Workout

1. What are some possible sources of illness other than the consequence of one's own wrong doing, indulgences, abuse or neglect?

2. Do I truly believe God is in control of what is happening to me, or do I feel I am in the clutches of random happenings or a target of Satan's attacks?

3. What does God's Word tell me about God's sovereignty? Does the devil have limited or unlimited power?

4. What is my most important question related to my own illness?

5. What spiritual and human resources do I have as a Christian?

6. Do I believe God does still heal today and that He can heal me? On what Scriptures do I base my faith?

7. Do I insist on supernatural healing in response to my faith?

8. Am I willing to accept whatever God determines is best for my good and for his glory? Will I still trust Him if He doesn't heal me? What are my struggles regarding this possibility?

9. Why does God sometimes refuse or delay healing in spite of our prayers, the prayers of others, and the exercise of our faith?